Loving and respecting one’s mother is a wonderful thing. And most of us have been grateful at some point for the advice we have received from our mothers. But, what do you do when your mother won’t stop giving you advice–when her entire life seems to revolve around controlling your life? Find the solution in my response to the woman in the following letter.
Change your perspective. You and your mother-in-law are adults on an equal level, so don’t behave as though you are an inferior child. The extent to which she can push your buttons is the extent to which she has power over you. Learn what your buttons are, and brainstorm new responses.
We all know that communication plays an important role in any relationship all the time. You need to make sure that you are being understood and same thing with her. Convey the message right and you will see how easy life can be for both of you. There is no other way to do it but talk, be heard and understood.
One of the most effective ways to deal with your difficult mother-in-law is to have your husband to be on your side, and to get him to deal with your mother-in-law. Share with your husband how you feel about the whole situation, and get him to understand what you are going through and empathize with you. Your husband needs to stand up for you, protect you and be the head of your household.
While having a controlling mother in law may often be very difficult, showing her that you are understand, making the effort to include her and to validate her as a worthy person, will give her the security she needs to be able to stop her controlling behavior and give you the pleasure of living again. The idea here is to show her that her views are important, but you need to talk things through as a couple and decide as a couple. Over time, she will respect your approach.